Friday, 28 December 2007


This Shabad is by Guru Amar Daas Ji in Raag Bihaagraa on Pannaa 555

mÚ 3 ]
ma 3 ||
Third Mehla:

ikAw jwxw ikv mrhgy kYsw mrxw hoie ]
kiaa jaanaa kiv marehagae kaisaa maranaa hoe ||
What do I know? How will I die? What sort of death will it be?

jy kir swihbu mnhu n vIsrY qw sihlw mrxw hoie ]
jae kar saahib manahu n veesarai thaa sehilaa maranaa hoe ||
If I do not forget the Lord Master from my mind, then my death will be easy.

mrxY qy jgqu frY jIivAw loVY sBu koie ]
maranai thae jagath ddarai jeeviaa lorrai sabh koe ||
The world is terrified of death; everyone longs to live.

gur prswdI jIvqu mrY hukmY bUJY soie ]
gur parasaadhee jeevath marai hukamai boojhai soe ||
By Guru's Grace, one who dies while yet alive, understands the Lord's Will.

nwnk AYsI mrnI jo mrY qw sd jIvxu hoie ]2]
naanak aisee maranee jo marai thaa sadh jeevan hoe ||2||
O Nanak, one who dies such a death, lives forever. ||2||

Wednesday, 26 December 2007

December ...The month where the Great gave up so

Every year we remember the great sacrifice that Jesus made, but to me
this Christmas is little different, because I never knew that on Boxing
Day, is when Sahibzada Fateh Singh (Age 6) & Sahibzada Zorawar Singh,
(Age 8) took Sheedi (Martyrdom) They were the two youngest sons, of Guru
Gobind Singh.

Their short life story is one that shakes the soul....

As the battle of Chumkor, was is full heat, blood & bones broken,
family's separated the two younger sons, fled with their Grandmother Mata
Gujari (Mother of Guru Gobind Singh and Wife of Guru Tegh Bahadur the 9th
Guru) as they fled through the thick forests full of wild animals the young
souls walked on fearlessly reciting the psalms of the Guru's whilst Mata
Gujari told them the great story's from Sikh history!

The two older brothers Sahibzada Ajit Singh and Sahibzada Jujhar Singh,
continued in battle with their father.

After a grueling journey, the young reached the hut of Kuma a Muslim
water carrier, who took in the family in for rest and comfort. The Next
morning the Guru's old servant Gangu arrived and asked Mata ji to go with
him to his village and promised her that their whereabouts would Not be
known and they would be safe.

After trekking all day they reached Gangu's home and lay to rest, after
reciting the evening prayers, during the night Gangu crept into their room
and reached into Mataji's bag and stole her gold coins, as he left Mata ji
heard his footsteps but continued to rest, in the morning she asked Gangu
"Our things are lying scattered about, I hope the door was closed. Where
are the-gold coins?" Without a word he ran out shouting to trace the thief.
Mata ji said not to make a fuss but he was determined that the "thief"
should be found. She said to him he could keep the coins if he so wished as
she knew that he had taken them, Gangu flipped into Rage "So you are
suspecting me. How ungrateful of you. I have given you refuge and this is
the reward I get."

Gangu in anger went straight to the police station and told the officers
of the Mughal court that "I have the sons of the Guru at my house " come
and arrest them straight away. As the officers arrested the family the
villagers cursed Gangu for his betrayal. Both brothers listened to the
tales of bravery of the followers of Guru Nanak, story of the unique
martyrdom of Guru Arjun Dev and Guru Tegh Bahadur from their dear and
affectionate grand mother.

See Part
Other Great Stories in Pictorials

Monday, 24 December 2007

North Youth Smagam - AMAZING!!

This past week has been so amazing.

The smagam was just WOW


On wednesday evening, the smagam began and the keertan (hymms) where amazing....people were already here from India, Canada, London and Birmingham. The sangat (congregation) was awesome. The program didn't finish till 21.30.

Thursday morning was even better. More people had turned up from places in UK and around the world. The morning prayers started at 5 but simran (mediation/chanting god's name) started at 3 so me and my sister begged my dad to take us and HE DID!!!!

The evening was way awesome.... below is a audio clip of the keertan!!

Veer Harmandar Singh - may take a while to buffer (sorry) or visit

for full list of people....keep checking for full list!! they'll come slowly!!

Friday Morning was totally awesome too!! Just wish i could have stayed till the end. Me, sis and dad have to leave everyday about 8 because we had school and dad had to get to work.

Friday evening went on till 22.00. It was totally amazing! I can't describe it!!!!!

Saturday morning was very tiring but amazing. I was falling asleep and there was my sister, and two other people keeping me awake!!! I didn't mind....were all family and thats what family does.

Saturday Night was so amazing. Some of the youth took Amrit (got baptised (in a sense)) This night i cannot explain all i can say......... WAHEGURU!!!

Wednesday, 5 December 2007

In Depression - GET NAAM

Sometimes I reflect, why I am treated with racism
And why I feel to be the only scum
Why it is me, why not somebody else
I see in the mirror to remind myself?

Bullying in school because of my looks
Trampling on my spirit, all these crooks
Just to isolate, so they can humiliate
No peace of mind, so how can I concentrate?

What happened? My heart feels pressed
Feels like it's broken, lonely and depressed
Feel like I'm crushed under a heavy mountain
How can I live in this suffering and pain?

These negative thoughts just exhaust me.
My mind gets blocked and desires to be free
Who will help me? Who will support?
Where is the Almighty, to whom I report?

On the job, they try to ignore.
And despite of my hard work, they despise me more.
Full of hatred, prejudice and blame
They should ponder if they really feel shame?

Shame in their heart, shame on their existence
Don’t treat Sikhi with such bad resistance
Stop racial profiling and stop racial discrimination
Humans are the same, why harbour any suspicion?

Why so much hatred? Why so much pain?
Why so much suffering, and nothing to gain?

So it is time to focus and reflect
Let us come together for our better prospect
Peace in our heart. Peace in our soul
Peace in the mind and peace as a whole.

Nothing to worry, nothing is bad
Nothing to fear, so don’t become sad.
Don’t feel broken, don’t feel depressed
It's just temporary, so don’t feel stressed.

Those who exhibit bad intention
Will suffer inside with their own conscience
They will rot in their own negativityB
elieve in God and He will restore your dignity.
When in depression just remember Him.

He will remove all your problems and sin.
Just go and get the power of Naam
So you can relax and become really really calm.
God bless us every time we pray
And living in His hukum is the Sikhi way

-By Anand Bir Singh

Monday, 3 December 2007


To be apart of a family like mine
Is so divine
Where love is shown
Hurt is shared
Our love for each other
Is never impaired

We talk
We laugh
We cry

But we are a family
And we do it all together
For as a family
We do it all as one

You hurt one
You hurt all
And as a family unit
We will all stand tall

For we are family
A family full of strength
A family full of love
A family no one can touch
That's why I love my family so much.

Monday, 26 November 2007

Wednesday, 14 November 2007

Being Grateful

There was a blind girl who hated herself because she was blind.

She hated everyone, except her loving boyfriend. He was always there for her.

She told her boyfriend, "If I could only see the world, I will marry you."

One day, someone donated a pair of eyes to her. When the bandages came off, she was able to see everything, including her boyfriend.

He asked her,'Now that you can see the world, will you marry me?'

The girl looked at her boyfriend and saw that he was blind. The sight of his closed eyelids shocked her. She hadn't expected that. The thought of looking at them the rest of her life led her to refuse to marry him.

Her boyfriend left her in tears and days later wrote a note to her saying: 'Take good care of your eyes, my dear, for before they were yours, they were mine.'

This is how the human brain often works when our status changes.
Only a very few remember what life was like before, and who was always by their side in the most painful situations.

Life Is a Gift

Today before you say an unkind word -
Think of someone who can't speak.

Before you complain about the taste of your food - Think of someone who has nothing to eat.

Before you complain about your husband or wife - Think of someone who's crying out to GOD for a companion.

Today before you complain about life -
Think of someone who we nt too early to heaven.

Before you complain about your children -
Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.

Before you argue about your dirty house someone didn't clean or sweep -
Think of the people who are living in the streets.

Before whining about the distance you drive
Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.

And when you are tired and complain about your job -
Think of the unemployed, the disabled, and those who wish they had your job.

But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another -
Remember that not one of us is without s in and we all answer to one MAKER.

And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down - Put a smile on your face and thank GOD you're alive and still around

Tuesday, 13 November 2007


Check this website:

By knowing everything about each other does that make you true friends?
By being together and hanging out with each other does that make you true friends?
By telling each other everything does that make you true friends?


A friend is the one next to you saying we had fun
A true friend is the one next to you saying we messed up!

A true friend sticks by you always. Whether you mess up or not. Whether you healthy or not. Whether your good looking or not.

THINK: How many of you have a true friend?
If you think there your true friend, how do you know?

Wednesday, 31 October 2007

Use Your Strengths

One day, an angel was roaming in the forest. It was a very beautiful day. The angel saw trees touching the sky, and leaves were swinging with cool breeze. Flowers were smiling, painted with beautiful colors, and the birds were singing. Angel was very pleased to see the beauty that God had created; it was a magical feeling.

After walking a little further, the angel saw a rose plant. The rose plant was crying. The angel felt very sad.

The angel asked the rose plant, "Why are you crying, my child?"

The rose plant replied, "God doesn't love me as much as he loves other plants."

And the angel said, "What makes you think that, my beautiful?"

Rose plant then said, "God gave me a thorn."

The angel said, "Awwww, God didn't give you a thorn, you were born with the thorn. God blessed you with a beautiful flower with beautiful carved petals. God blessed you with a sweet fragrance. You are remembered as a symbol of love. God blessed your beauty to live with the thorn."

Live your life with your strength, not with your weakness.

Tuesday, 30 October 2007

A Story

This was an e-mail sent to me....very thought thinking

***note = sardari jokes are jokes about sikhs
*** = sardar= sikh person - usually male

Well, jayant , my friend, told me the following incident which I wish to share with you. It has had a deep impact on my thinking.

In the diwali vacation, Jayant and his couple of friends had gone to Delhi.
They rented a taxi for local sight-seeing. The driver was an old Sardar, and boys being boys, Jayant and his pals began cracking Sardarji jokes, just to insinuate the old man.
But to their surprise, the fellow remained unperturbed. At the end of the sight-seeing, they paid up the hire-charges. The Sardar returned the change.
Moreover, he gave each one of them one rupee extra and said, (in Hindi, of course),''son, since morning you have been telling Sardarji jokes. I listened to them all and let me tell you, some of them were in a very bad taste.
Still, I don't mind coz I know that you are young blood and are yet to see the world. But I have just one request. Here I am giving you one rupee each. Give it to the first Sardar beggar that you come across in this city."

Jayant continued," That one rupee coin is still with me. I couldn't find a single Sardar begging on the streets of Delhi."

Friends, we all love sardar jokes. But the fact of matter is that Sikhs are one of the most prosperous and diversified communities in the world. The secret behind their universal success, according to me, is their willingness to do any job with utmost dedication.

A Sardar will drive a truck or set up a roadside garage or a dhaba, but he will never beg on the streets.

Friends, Workmates, PEOPLE


4 Boyfriends - This Is Something To Think About.

Once upon a time, there was this girl who had four boyfriends.

She loved the 4th boyfriend the most and adored him with rich robes and treated him to the finest of delicacies. She gave him nothing but the best.

She also loved the 3rd boyfriend very much and was always showing him off to neighboring kingdoms. However, she feared that one day he would leave her for another.

She also loved her 2nd boyfriend. He was her confidant and was always kind, considerate and patient with her.. Whenever this girl faced a problem, she could confide in him, and he would help her get through the difficult times.

The girls 1st boyfriend was a very loyal partner and had made great contributions in maintaining her wealth and kingdom. However, she did not love the first boyfriend. Although he loved her deeply, she hardly took notice of him.

One day, the girl fell ill and she knew her time was short. She thought of her luxurious life and wondered, I now have four boyfriends with me, but when I die, I'll be all alone.'

Thus, she asked the 4th boyfriend, I loved you the most, endowed you with the finest clothing and showered great care over you. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company? No way! Replied the 4th boyfriend, and he walked away without another word. His answer cut like a sharp knife right into her heart.

The sad girl then asked the 3rd boyfriend, 'I loved you all my life. Now that I'm dying, will you follow me and keep me company? No!', replied the 3rd boyfriend. 'Life is too good! When you die, I'm going to marry someone else! 'Her heart sank and turned cold.

She then asked the 2nd boyfriend, 'I have always turned to you for help and you've always been there for me.

When I die, will you follow me and keep me company? I'm sorry, I can't help you out this time , replied the 2nd boyfriend. At the very most, I can only walk with you to your grave. His answer struck her like a bolt of lightning, and the girl was devastated.

Then a voice called out: 'I'll go with you. I'll follow you no matter where you go.'

The girl looked up, and there was her 1st boyfriend. He was very skinny as he suffered from malnutrition and neglect.

Greatly grieved, the girl said, 'I should have taken much better care of you when I had the chance!.

In truth, you have 4 boyfriends in your life:

Your 4th boyfriend is your body. No matter how much time and effort you lavish in making it look good, it will leave you when you die.

Your 3rd boyfriend is your possessions, status and wealth. When you die, it will all go to others.

Your 2nd boyfriend is your family and friends. No matter how much they have been there for you, the furthest they can stay by you is up to the grave.

And your 1st boyfriend is your Soul , often neglected in pursuit of wealth, power and pleasures of the world.

However, your Soul is the only thing that will follow you where ever you go. Cultivate, strengthen and cherish it now, for it is the only part of you that will follow you to the throne of God and continue with you throughout Eternity.

Thought for the day: Remember, when the world pushes you to your knees, you're in the perfect position to pray.

Being happy doesn't mean every thing's perfect. It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections. I hope this touched you!

Monday, 29 October 2007


Not got time to keep fit?

Not got time to relax?

Not got time to train?

Got 16 minutes? Bet you have

Heres a quick 16 minute guide to keep fit and make you tired.

Choose 4 activities;

You will need a seconds desirably

For each exercise chosen
20 second exercise
10 second rest
20 second exercise
10 second rest
20 second exercise
10 second rest
20 second exercise
10 second rest

Repeat this as often as you like........try at least once a helps with stamina, weight loss and health


Once finished have a minute deep breath and you're DONE!

Additional Help or options: visit:

Sunday, 28 October 2007


What ever hardship you come across in life; IT CAN BE SOLVED
What ever people say; IT DOESN'T MATTER
Whatever life throws at you; YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT

Think as life as a baseball game.....the ball is thrown to you but you smack it away
In life problems arise, hard periods of life come but you solve them and let it go

To start to SUCCEED in LIFE you have to set goals for yourself. They have to be your goals, not what your parents want, not what your fiends are doing but what you want to achieve.

After these goals, you have to become slightly narrow minded and say

It is hard in some periods of your life when you've had a row with someone close or you've failed a module....but you have to climb back on the ladder and go for NUMBER ONE!

In my life I've never known my real mum...she left just before i was two (i think) and I've never had that relationship with anyone else. My dad is great and i can talk to him about anything but sometimes his advice doesn't work or it's a different situation and he can't see it...after all he is a guy :) But then I have my cousin who is also great to talk to and ask advice from. He understand and gives points of view from different points.

You may think that you have no-one but there is someone that you can talk to...whether it's family, a close friend that you can trust or God. Someone is watching your back and ready to help.

Some of my goals which I've only just set;
  • Come TOP in everything that I do
  • Become THE BEST in what i want to do - {looks like Law or Medicine}
  • Show family and friends who have put me down that I CAN SUCCEED

Thursday, 25 October 2007


Just some videos that i found
Worth watching all of them
They made me think....might make you

My thoughts;

Never let the fear of striking out;
Keep you from playing the game

Please leave your comments on your dreams
and how to achieve them.....

Thursday, 18 October 2007

Discussion: Abortion - right or wrong?

Is Abortion right or wrong?

See the videos below and leave your comments please

WARNING: Contains graphic images. Parental Guidance may be needed.

See this website for more information and exactly what happens in an abortion.

Monday, 15 October 2007

Equality and Respect for all - a step towards it

This is a blog from Dixons City Academy in Bradford and it allows students to partake in discussions and topics around Geography, History and RE topics.

An interesting blog topic:


Please visit and leave a comment

Sunday, 14 October 2007


The mind is many things.

It can be cruel
It can be truthful
It can be loving
but yet it can be lonely

The mind is the powerful creation of man
It no longer dwells on animal behavior
It thinks, it learns, it communicates with another
but yet it can have pride and ego

Mind be loving, sensitive and sweet
Do not let worries, wonders and imagination take over
Be yourself and be cool

Check this website out:

An Understanding Mind

A jumble in my mind I say,
Words that can't be understood.
A thought that's gone astray,
Bring it back if I could.

I shuffle and ramble,
In my brain my thoughts array.
Lord, help me please....
Can't stand hurting this way!

And He speaks in that soft voice
Known only to his own.
Be still my child, know I am here;
You are not alone.

I hear the humble cry of desperation,
The fear within your mind,
Be still, know I am here,
Above all, be kind.

You are the vessel
In which I dwell.
Through your words,
Others read Heaven's mail.

So be thoughtful and kind,
Words that honor me, speak.
Above all, my Child,
Please be meek.

Tuesday, 9 October 2007




Saturday, 6 October 2007


Watch your thoughts;
they become words.

Watch your words;
they become actions.

Watch your actions;
they become habits.

Watch your habits;
they become character.

Watch your character;
it becomes your destiny.

Tuesday, 2 October 2007


Time for Aspiration

George Osbourne - Shadow Chancellor - Conservative Conference

What a speech! All aspects well put

Sunday, 30 September 2007

State of Mind

A State of Mind

Author Unknown

A State of Mind
If you think you are beaten, your are
If you think you dare not, you won't,
If you like to win, but don't think you can
It's almost a cinch you won't

If you think you'll lose, you're lost
For out in the world you find,
Success begins with a fellow's will
It's all in a state of mind

For many a game is lost
Ere even a play is run,
And many a coward fails
Ere even his work is begun

Think big and your deeds will grow
Think small and you'll fall behind
Think that you can and you will
It's all a state of mind

If you think you are out-classed, your are
You've got to think high to rise
You've got to be sure of yourself before
You can ever win a prize

Life battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man
But sooner or later, the man who wins
Is the fellow who thinks he can

Tuesday, 25 September 2007


It's not good to keep everything locked up inside.
It's not good to let everything else out either.

Personally, i've had a lot of problems about expressing my views and feeling. Since Year 7, age 11 to today age 15, year 11, i have been bullied and isolated but never had anyone to talk to about how i felt. That's where Mr Snuggles, my teddy for life came in handy. It seems silly but it helps. Also writting your feeling in a diary also helps, it gets it into the open without anyone giving their opinion or judgement on them.

Many people express their views in different ways.

and many other

How do you express you views?

Sunday, 23 September 2007

Mourinho - The Special One

José Mourinho - The world is mine

What a shame? The best and only true manager for Chelsea!! Hope Abramovich lives to regret it! Still Chelsea Supporter though!!!!

Clip worth watching

Is he still the special one?

His version of events


Thursday, 20 September 2007

Your Identity

Your identity is who you who you want to be not what one tells you to be

This doesn't mean that you can be a murderer or rapist cos you want have to use some common sense.

Be the best person you can be. Be helpful, be kind, have a smile, be compasionate.

Your identity isn't always what you look like, its what impression you give.

5 things for a good identity]

  • Truth
  • Compassion
  • Faith
  • Contentment
  • Cleansliness of the mind, body and spirit

Feel free to add your own and contradict mine

Wednesday, 19 September 2007


How to express thats hard.

People who do not accept you just becasue you look different or have a different way of life aren't worth bothering about. Usually if they can't accept you it means their jealous or just been brought up that way....either way there useless and shouldn't be thought about twice.

Equality Act 2006

2006 CHAPTER 3

Go to Preamble

Part 1
The Commission for Equality and Human Rights

The Commission
1. Establishment
2. Constitution, &c.
3. General duty
4. Strategic plan
5. Strategic plan: consultation
6. Disclosure
7. Scotland: human rights

8. Equality and diversity
9. Human rights
10. Groups
11. Monitoring the law
12. Monitoring progress

General powers
13. Information, advice, &c.
14. Codes of practice
15. Codes of practice: supplemental
16. Inquiries
17. Grants
18. Human rights
19. Groups

Enforcement powers
20. Investigations
21. Unlawful act notice
22. Action plans
23. Agreements
24. Applications to court
25. Application to restrain unlawful advertising, pressure, &c.
26. Section 25: supplemental
27. Conciliation
28. Legal assistance
29. Legal assistance: costs
30. Judicial review and other legal proceedings
31. Public sector duties: assessment
32. Public sector duties: compliance notice

33. Equality and human rights enactments
34. Unlawful
35. General
Dissolution of Existing Commissions
36. Dissolution
37. Transfer of property, &c.
38. Transfer of property: supplemental

39. Orders and regulations
40. Consequential amendments
41. Transitional: the Commission
42. Transitional: functions of the dissolved Commissions
43. Transitional: rented housing in Scotland

Part 2
Discrimination on grounds of religion or belief

Key concepts

44. Religion and belief
45. Discrimination
Prohibited discrimination
46. Goods, facilities and services
47. Premises
48. Section 47: exceptions
49. Educational establishments
50. Section 49: exceptions
51. Local education authorities and education authorities
52. Public authorities: general

Other unlawful acts
53. Discriminatory practices
54. Discriminatory advertisements
55. Instructing or causing discrimination

General exceptions
56. Statutory requirements
57. Organisations relating to religion or belief
58. Charities relating to religion or belief
59. Faith schools, &c.
60. Membership requirement
61. Education, training and welfare
62. Care within family
63. National security
64. Amendment of exceptions

65. Restriction of proceedings
66. Claim of unlawful action
67. Immigration
68. Remedies
69. Timing
70. Information
71. National security
72. Validity and revision of contracts

73. Aiding unlawful acts
74. Employers' and principals' liability
75. Police, &c.
76. Indirect provision of benefit, &c.
77. Employment Equality Regulations
78. Crown application
79. Interpretation
80. Territorial application

Part 3
Discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation

81. Regulations
82. Regulations for Northern Ireland

Part 4
Public Functions

Sex discrimination

83. Prohibition of discrimination
84. General duty to promote equality, &c.
85. Specific duties
86. Codes of practice
87. National security
Disability discrimination
88. General duty: exceptions
89. National security
Race discrimination
90. National security

Part 5

91. Repeals
92. Crown application
93. Commencement
94. Extent
95. Short title

Schedule 1
The Commission: Constitution, &c.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4
Status, &c.

Part 5
Disability Committee

Schedule 2
Inquiries, Investigations and Assessments

Schedule 3
Amendments Consequential on Part 1

Schedule 4

An Act to make provision for the establishment of the Commission for Equality and Human Rights; to dissolve the Equal Opportunities Commission, the Commission for Racial Equality and the Disability Rights Commission; to make provision about discrimination on grounds of religion or belief; to enable provision to be made about discrimination on grounds of sexual orientation; to impose duties relating to sex discrimination on persons performing public functions; to amend the Disability Discrimination Act 1995; and for connected purposes.
[16th February 2006]
Be it enacted by the Queen’s most Excellent Majesty, by and with the advice and consent of the Lords Spiritual and Temporal, and Commons, in this present Parliament assembled, and by the authority of the same, as follows:—..........

Tuesday, 18 September 2007

Power of the Turban

Why is it everyone mistakes Sikhs for terrorists?

Why is it that we get isolated just for wearing a turban?

Today in France, some parts of Germany and Belgiam, students can't go to school while wearing a turban.

.....................Go back in time....................
Battle of the Somme
Who did the army want on their team? The SIKHS
Why did they want them?
But now.........we can't go to school in those same countries and get an education.....we're is justice in that.
See the article below
Please leave your comments....this issue effects many

Monday, 17 September 2007

My wife, the beautiful one

An inspirational story

I came in from the fields and found my wife sleeping, her head was down on the table, and there was some papers in her hand. Without disturbing her I gently removed them and read what she had written.

She wrote:

"Everything has been changing so suddenly, I don't know who to tell, there is no one to tell, but I must tell someone, so I am just writing this to myself to try to organize my thoughts, to try to find some sense, to all the changes, recently, in my life.

My husband had been acting so strangely, weeping and talking about sleep and death. Then he met this unusual man, Sat Kartar Singh. This man is a Sikh. He wears a beard, and has uncut hair which he keeps bound in a turban. After this meeting my husband was much calmer, less disturbed, happy even, but still nothing has ever been normal again in the usual sense.

We went for keertan, to this Singhs home. The music was very beautiful, it wrenched my heart, and made me want to weep, I didn't say anything, because I felt so strange, and the children's father seemed so happy I didn't want to break the spell.

Then a few mornings later he went running from the house. When he returned he seemed calmer, he told me we were going to a sikh gathering.

The smagham had the most unusual effect on me. It is hard to describe, but I must try. It has changed my whole life...

I met a very unusual woman there. She was a Singhni. I think she was the most beautifu l woman I have ever met in my life. Her face was radiant and glowed with sach light. Her eyes had sach depth, when I looked into them it was as though the universe opened up its mysteries to me. This woman Bibi ji, was unlike other woman, her face was covered with hair like a young man, soft black and curly. She sat quietly and greeted me quietly and softly. From the very first I was drawn to her. So many were staying at that gathering, she asked me to come and sleep with her and the other ladies. My husband joined the men, and children went off with others their own age.

Bibi ji slept completely covered with a black lo-ee. Or I was never sure that she was sleeping, she was so still. I found myself yearning to be like her. Like the Singhs she also kept her hair bound in a turban. I thought of all the women in my village, with their jewelry, make up lipstick, and nail polish, silk dresses, and artificial finery, none were so beautiful as Bibi ji. She had only 2 changes of clothes, very simple, one blue, and one white, and the ever present black lo-ee.

In the morning everyone began getting up very early, I heard strange sounds, as though there were many lovers, I was frightened and covered my face with my blanket. I slept very late. No one disturbed me. Later Bibi ji came to take me to the langer. I saw my husband there. He greeted me "Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh" I had never heard these words spoken before. I smiled and nodded.

I asked Bibi ji what the words meant. She said this is how Singhs greet each other.She told me when Guru gobind Singh the father of the Khalsa gave Amrit, he told Singhs to greet each other in this manner. I was even more curious. She explained about Guru Gobind Singh and Guru Nanak. I asked her "How does one become a Singh?" She said they must be given Guru jis Amrit, that is baptized.

Just then a very fierce looking Singh, carrying weapons, entered the langer. I must have looked alarmed, She said not to be afraid. He was our protector. Then she explained about the Siri Guru Granth Sahib. There was so much to learn. But I was so thirsty to hear everything. I can't explain even now, to my self what was happening to me. It was so bewildering. I just knew I did not want to leave Bibi jis side.

She said "Lets go to the keertan." She did keertan for one hour, the same 4 lines over and over,

Gurmukh pi-aaray aa-e mil, main chireen vichhunnay raam raajay. Mayraa man tan bahut bairaage-aa, har nain ras bhinnay. Main har prabh pi-aaraa das gur, mil har man mannay Haon moorakh kaarai laa-ee-aa, naanak har kammay

"I am unworthy. I am unworthy of your love."

She was weeping. I was weeping. A beautiful young girl wiped the tears from her face as she sang. I wondered where her children and husband were. It was obvious to me that she was in some sort of deep mourning. I thought she must have lost a child. I learned later that this was mourning was called "vairaag" by the sikhs. It meant deep and urgent longing for the guru. I felt so much love for her.

That evening when we went for sleep. I asked her if she would wake me too, in the morning. She agreed, then, disappeared beneath her lo-ee.

I was sleeping face down, I heard "waheguru waheguru" just as I turned, she touched me, I gasped. An electrical current shot though my body shocking me. "Are you ok ?" she asked. I replied only that I had been startled. How could I explain?

She led me to the showers, "isnaan", she said. During her bath she kept on some of her clothing. I was surprised, she said these are kachara, and kirpan, they are a part of me given to me at baptism I can never be separated from them... She explained more about the baptism, how one never removes hair and must keep a comb, and kara also, with one at all times. Her hair, kesh, fell to her knees gleaming as she washed, oiled, and combed it.

Beside her I felt utterly filthy, to my soul. I started weeping, I couldn't stop my self, "No amount of water can ever clean me," I sobbed. She put he r arms around me, lovingly and said, "Guru can wash you clean in an instant, when you receive His Amrit."

We went to join the others. "Waheguru Waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru" Every one together, in once voice was calling "waheguru"; it was very comforting.

When I met my husband again , I said," I want to take the Amrit." He looked deeply into my eyes and smiled. It felt as though he touched my soul.

The thing is since baptism I have undergoing so many changes. Nothing has been easy, everything has been very difficult, and sometimes a real struggle. Those three hairs, I had plucked from my chin before, have turned to fifty. All my facial hair has gotten darker and much heavier. I don't know what to do. I feel so hideous, and yet there is my Masters face looking back at me when ever I look in the mirror.

Some of my closest former friends are shunning me. I know it is not because they do not love me., They are uncomfortable, and so am I. But my farmer comes in from the fields happy now. He looks at me and says, "I feel so alive." He tells me I am beautiful and the daughter of Guru Gobind singh, but it doesn't stop the shame. The singhs give me so much love and treat me as their sister. But inside I see the beautiful smooth faces of other women, and I feel disfigured. Bibi ji was special, she had courage, I am not like her. I want to cover my face in shame. I weep into the ramalas and plead with Guru ji, for what? To make me like other women rather than like Him. I can't ask for that, and so I just weep and feel ashamed. I feel like I am being punished for all my past misdeeds. Sometimes, I don't know how I can bear it.

We went to another smagham. A young girl was washing feet. I heard her say, "Who is she she? She is so beautiful." Later she met me and said, "They say you practice a different kind of Sikhism." I replied, "There is only one Waheguru, What is different? We both love Him. Sikhism is Sikhism." I wanted to tell her , "Yes, do AMrit vela, do wahegur u waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru. Do Naam simran." But I couldn't say anything.

I felt beautiful, but I know that I am not. It's just vanity , this body is corruption, and it is rotting away. Nothing matters to me any more but Naam, and my Kakars and Paath. I can't be separated from them, it would kill me. Literally I would die. Slip back into a partial person, not fit to be called human, consumed in pain, always trying to anesthetize myself with fruitless activities.

It is a struggle to wake up and do Paath. Sometimes we are so sleepy, we want to go for the bed, but we look at each other and remember how it was before, that is enough to wake us up again. I envy those born to this path, so pure and innocent, they don't feel the traces of dirt..."

I put the papers down, and woke my wife, I pulled her into my arms, and looked in to her eyes, *HE* looked back at me.

"I didn't know, you should have told me. I have been so selfish, thinking everything was me all this time. I thought you just did this for me. Forgive me."

We both started weeping in to each others arms. "It will be ok, we'll get through this with waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru waheguru." Then we were weeping and laughing together.

The children came in and found us. They just looked at us like we were crazy,

"What's for langar?" the little one asked.


'Visar Nahee Datar Apanay Nam Deho'
'Forget Me not O Giver, Give me your Name'